A wife comes home at 3am, wearing an enormous diamond ring. Her husband meets her at the door and asks her where she got the ring
“I won it playing BINGO”, she says, “run me a bath will you, I want to soak.”

The next night the wife comes home at 3am again, this time she’s wearing a beautiful fur coat. Again her husband meets her at the door and asks her where the coat came from.

“I won again at the BINGO”, she says, “now be a darling and run me a bath will you?”

The next night the wife gets home at 3am, this time driving a brand new convertible. Her husband meets her at the door and asks her where on earth she got the new car from.

“Can you believe it, I won it playing BINGO! Now run me a bath so I can relax.”

She undresses, goes into the bathroom and then comes right back out. “Why did you only put one inch of water in the bathtub?” she asks.

“Well,” her husband answers, “I didn’t want you to get your bingo card wet”

A man goes to the doctor. The doc checks him over, and says “Sorry mate, but you have yellow 24, a nasty virus, so-called as it turns your blood yellow and you only have 24 hours to live. There’s nothing I can do for you - just go home and enjoy your final precious moments on earth.”So back he trudges home to wifey, and breaks the news. Distraught, she asks him to accompany her to bingo that evening so he can experience her idea of a night out, as he’s never been there before.

He gets his 1st card, and wins 4 corners - prize £350, and then gets any line and wins £3200. He also calls for a full house - and wins a grand. The national grid comes up and he wins a further £380,000.

The Bingo Caller gets him on stage, and says “Son - I’ve never seen you in here in all my life, but you won 4 corners, any line, full house & the national grid - I’ve never met anyone so lucky.”

“Lucky??” the man replies, “lucky? I’ll have you know I’ve got yellow 24.”

“Dear me,” says the bingo caller with a chuckle, “you’ve won the bloody raffle as well!”

Question:
What do you call an intelligent, reliable, goodlooking and sensitive man?
 
Answer:
A rumour.

A big hulking hooligan walks into a bar, slams his fist down, and yells "Give me a Budweiser, or...!"

Scared, the bartender serves the man his Budweiser. This happens everyday for a week straight, and the bartender turns into a nervous wreck. He asks his wife for advice, and she tells him he should stand up for himself. Easier said than done, he thinks, but he decides to try it. The next day, the hooligan returns.

"Give me a Budweiser, or...!"

"O-o-o-o-r-r-r... w-w-what?" stammers the bartender.

"A small Coke."